When we are faced with monstrous people, green with anger, don’t we all wish we had the wisdom of the Black Widow.
There are many types of anger and motivations behind the feelings. Some people show anger when a situation makes them upset because that is the emotion that they are most used to expressing. Some use anger and aggression to manipulate other. While some people blow their top because they really cannot control their emotions, just like the big green hulk. We may not know the art of manipulation like the Black Widow but perhaps these points could help in managing some of those angry people around us.
How to handle angry people
Stay safe and get others to help.
- If the person is aggressive and appears to be capable of harming you, leave the place immediately. In any situation where there is a chance that you can be physically harmed, you need to move to a safe place, preferably to where there are other people around.
- Get the attention of other people and ask them to help. However, the psychological theory of Bystander Effect states that in a crowd, though you are safer, people will assume that someone else will help you and not them. So, if someone is fixated on harming you, you need to go to a specific person in a crowd, look that person in the eye and say ‘help me’.
However, if the angry person is not showing rage and aggression and it’s someone you are familiar with that is angry, here is what you can try to do.
Remain calm and controlled
- It’s natural to react in anger when another person is angry so try to remain calm.
- Do deep breathing to remain calm.
- Recognise the emotions that are arising inside of you.
- Be mindful of your tone of voice and speak in a calm yet serious manner
Find out the reason for their anger
- Show empathy about the situation no matter how small and try to see things from that person’s perspective. Use active listening.
- Ask: “I know you are angry about something, can you explain to me what made you so mad?”
- Don’t be defensive or make excuses
- If you are the cause of the anger, apologise and say that you will be mindful not to do so again.
Try to find a solution
- Don’t judge the angry person or say it’s wrong to be angry.
- Show interest in wanting to make things better
- Explore ways to make the situation better
- Once the person has calmed down a bit, try to distract them by talking about more positive events in that person’s life.
Communicate how you feel
- If you work with or live with a person who gets angry easily, find a time when that person is in a good mood and try to explain how you feel.
- Don’t use ‘You’, ‘always’, ‘never’ statements e.g You are always shouting at me and you never care about how I feel.
- Use ‘I’ statements e.g I feel very worried about you when you shout and it makes me very sad and helpless.
Share this with someone who needs to deal with angry people.
Now, if you are the one that ribs your shirt and turns green most of the time, then u need to read this about anger