Every day is a challenge. It doesn’t matter if you were just given your diagnosis, or if you have been attending therapy for most of your life. The moment you decide to seek recovery, the following reality check dawns on you; it gets harder before it gets easier.
All this turmoil because of one struggle you cannot remember picking up, but have been carrying for what feels like forever.
I have had an eating disorder for the entirety of my teenage and adult years. Returning to a normal eating routine was brutal. After weight restoration and rehabilitation in hospitals, I expected the worst to be over and smooth sails ahead of me. The harsh reality I was unprepared for showed up in adverse physiological and involuntary reactions to food. Every meal felt like a minefield.
The worst part is that it still isn’t over. I still freeze up along grocery store aisles and get random bouts of nausea. All those years ago, if I had known that less than half of all eating disorder patients fully recover, I might have rejected seeking help altogether.
Although, at my lowest, it was not about how much I could recover. At that point, the choice I had to make was whether I wanted to live or perish.
Following that decision, everything I have gained has been a gift.
So, yes, I still can’t get drunk or run for more than thirty minutes without risking perforating an organ or breaking a bone. But I now have a standard bubble tea order. Last year, I learned how to cook salmon. The previous year, I ate mayonnaise without crying.
For a while, you will feel like you are surrounded by triggers and everyday tasks will appear monumental, but there is merit to the long-term recovery process. The world is a better place now that you have decided to get better.
For more targeted practices, self-help resources, and peer support, check out SG Support Group on Discord.