Right before a ‘eureka’ moment or a big breakthrough, even the likes of world-famous artists and revolutionaries experience self-doubt. Hardship is bound to come your way no matter what you pursue.
Moments before completing a major task or discovering the solution to a huge problem is when fear settles in. When we are on the precipice of great success, it is likely also when we are most tired from hard work and dedication.
I am afraid of failure. I am not one to deny that.
It is apparent in the way I will work far beyond 40 hours a week at multiple jobs, and how I can count the number of sick days I have ever taken on one hand.
This unfortunate toxic trait has pushed me to invest disproportionate amounts of effort and time into everything. I keep copies of the recipe cheat sheets and menus from one of my part-time workplaces to study and memorise.
Honestly, it is probably perfectly fine if one functions well in these circumstances. But I recognise my tendency to fixate on everything I lack rather than what I achieve.
I still kick myself for forgetting complicated recipes, being 5 minutes late, and yawning during shifts. Something about these tiny, entirely forgettable ‘mistakes’ makes me think I am unfit to succeed. Or, far more importantly, that I never will be.
I have had to ease up on the self-inflicted trash talk to have enough self-esteem to show up to work at all. A somewhat ironic turn of events helped me to accept those tiny mistakes better.
Work became less stressful as my confidence rose steadily over time.
Although ‘keep at it’ is not universal advice, acknowledging and accepting your fear of failure could help you with whatever you are struggling with now. Who knows; maybe you are one push away from the finish line.
For more targeted practices, self-help resources, and peer support, check out SG Support Group on Discord.