BigBang T.O.P, journey from depression to SpaceX expedition to the moon

Chosen by Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa’s to join in SpaceX expedition to the moon, it has been BigBang T.O.P’s childhood dream to be on the moon. But just a few years back things were very different. T.O.P had hit rock bottom and had attempted suicide.


Choi Seung-Hyun or T.O.P of Big Bang fame has been in the Kpop industry for the longest time. Song writer, Rapper, record producer and actor, T.O.P has won countless awards for both his music and his acting.

Since a young age, Seung Hyun has been battling depression.

“Since I was young I’ve suffered from depression. I was born to be sad. I’ve felt extra sensitive compared to other kids since I was young. I knew it and felt it, and spent more time and more effort to get over it by spending time with art.”


When Seung Hyun started his military service in 2017, he was posted to the Police division. However, a year into the service, he was caught for using Marijuana, an illegal drug that is extremely addictive. A few days after he was caught, he was found unconscious in his police barracks having attempted suicide by over-dosing on anti- anxiety medication. In Singapore, any person caught using drugs can be jailed up to ten years. A person who trafficked, sells or promotes illegal drugs is given the death penalty.


T.O.P said that that was the ‘worst moment in his life’. He shared that.

“I realised later how much hurt and painful memories I gave to the people around me, my family and fans out there.”


T.O.P wanted to quite being an idol altogether but it was his music that got him through the darkest times.

“Actually, I was going to seriously stop making music and stop being a musician. But during the bad times, the rough times, my motivation to keep going was the music.”


Hence, he has been immersing himself into his craft.

“I wrote more than 100 songs over the past five years. It’s been my motivation, like wanting to fill up a bookshelf with my work. It’s been my passion. I realized how precious it is to pay back what I’ve received. I feel that I’m reborn.”


Listening to ‘Still Live’ the comeback single by Big Bang, we can tell that Seung Hyun is indeed reborn. The lyric of ‘Still Live’ advocates that there hope after the storms in life.


‘Burying all the trauma from past nights

A round-trip ship running, risking it’s life to start a new.

I’m going to change more than before

A good person more and more

A better person more and more.’


Watch ‘Still Life’ video here


Image: BIGBANG – ‘봄여름가을겨울 (Still Life)’ M/V – YouTube


Here’s more information on:

What it feels like to have depression.

What it feels like to have anxiety

How substance abuse addiction destroys your brain cells. 

How to help a friend with suicidal thoughts. 

If you have suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately.

SOS helpline










Do a Mood Check if you have not been feeling like yourself lately and don’t know what it is or where to find help


Here are some helplines in Singapore.






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