So, Olivia Roderigo is at it again? Why hasn’t she moved on from the heartbreak?
If you’ve been through a break-up, you may just relate to those painful pangs that seem to linger on forever. Besides, having a ‘Sour’ ‘Gut’ from emotional turmoil is scientifically proven.
Bad Idea Right?
Maybe we wouldn’t go to the extend of gate-crashing our ex’s home after a break-up, but those bad-ideas would have invaded our mind somehow.
I know I should stop-, but I can’t
But, God, when I look at you
My brain goes, “Ah”
Can’t hear my thoughts (I cannot hear my thoughts)
Why do we keep thinking about our ex even though we know it is bad for us or when we know it’s over?
Well when we’ve been so used to thinking about a person, a sudden break in that thought process can be distressing. Cognitive Dissonance happens when we experience conflict between what we’ve always believed to be true and the reality of what is happening. Our thoughts keep firing in the old way but it cannot connect as before because we know that things have changed. So in break-ups, our mind fights against the thought that our loved one is not with us anymore.
Love helps to boost many neurochemicals in our brain including oxytocins (love hormones), Dopermine(pleasure) and Serotonin (happiness) which give us that ‘high’ when we are with our loved one. This is the same reason why someone who is addicted to a substance is continually craving for it. Hence, when the substance is taken away, or as in a break-up, it can lead to intense distress and psychological discomfort.
Get him back!
So I miss him some nights when I’m feeling depressed
‘Til I remember every time he made a pass on my friend
Do I love him? Do I hate him? I guess it’s up and down
Some people find it hard to let-go of their ex-partners because thoughts of their ex’s triggers a part of the brain that is associated with reward and motivation. This same part releases dopamine which is a feel-good chemical. Hence, when we break-up, our brain loses the supply of these neurotransmitters. As a result, we experience ‘withdrawal symptoms’ which may impact our ability to think, focus and function normally.
So what can we do if we are going through a break-up?
Be kind to yourself, accept the emotions and identify exactly what you are feeling. Are you angry, or sad, or do you feel fearful about a life without this person?
Ask yourself what exactly drives these emotions. What thoughts and believes do you have about yourself, people around you and especially this person, that is behind these negative emotions. How true are these thoughts?
Finally, look after yourself and find support from activities and friends around you.
What if the heartache persist for an extended time?
If the heartache gets in the way of your daily life and activities, you could be suffering from depression. If you lack energy to do most things, feel an excessive amount of guilt or sadness, feel worthless or have a lot of problems concentrating on what you need to do, please get professional help. (more information on depression here)
If you have recurrent thoughts of wanting to die, this is a medical emergency, please get help immediately. Click to know what you can do while you try to get help.